Say Yes to Your No
The virtual workshop I ran last month with my friend and co-retreat leader Jennifer Jane Young didn’t quite go the way we expected.
It was supposed to be about how to close out the final quarter of the year and flow into 2025 with grace and purpose. But the 30 attendees — a mix of nonprofit leaders and my consulting and coaching clients — had something else on their minds.
Instead, they wanted to talk about a different topic: How to get everything done with short staffs, tight budgets, insane goals, and ridiculous timeframes. You know, life as a nonprofit leader.
So I called a timeout, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and told the group I was going to hold up a sign with just one word on it — a word that was about to become their new best friend. The word was NO.
And then I had them all come off mute and practice saying NO. I had them scream NO and then make it their own. There were a lot of HELL NOs and various other iterations.
Saying No is Hard
As nonprofit leaders, it’s really, really hard to say NO.
A donor offers to hand you a big check with conditions — expand to a new city, start a new program, hire their relative — and we think we have no choice but to agree. After all, aren’t we in the fundraising business?
Or, maybe one of our stakeholders or committees we collaborate with — board of trustees, advisors, consultants, committee members — suggests a particular direction, initiative, or fundraising idea. Aren’t they here to advise us in charting our course as an organization?
Yes, but they are not always right. Sometimes, the best response to “opportunities” like these is to simply say NO.
Why Saying No Matters
Saying no prevents burnout.
In a sector like ours, where dedication and compassion are constant, overcommitment can be a problem. For nonprofit leaders, maintaining life balance is not just a personal decision, it models a sustainable approach for the team.
If your leadership style is one of constant overwork, you are setting a precedent that impacts the entire organization, one that can potentially reduce productivity and morale.
Saying no preserves mission focus.
We have been conditioned to perceive no as a negative. But we are fundamentally mission driven; we need to stay true to that, above all else. When we say NO, we create space for YES, allowing us to remain focused on what matters most.
Saying no enhances organizational efficiency.
Too many projects dilutes our ability to excel in any of them. A few, focused initiatives often achieve better results than spreading our (always) limited time, money, and human resources across multiple, smaller initiatives.
Strategies for Saying Yes to Your No
Start by defining your organization’s non-negotiables. Identify the core values, goals, and programs about which you will not compromise. This gives you a firm foundation from which to evaluate requests and ideas.
Then develop a “No script” — a template for declining requests while maintaining positive relationships.
Examples…
Resource-based No: Thank you for the opportunity. At this time, our resources are fully dedicated to our current projects. But we would love to keep the door open for future collaboration.
Mission-based No: This sounds like a valuable initiative. Right now we are focused on a few, targeted projects to deepen our impact in our core areas. Regrettably, we need to pass.
Team-capacity No: We are honored by the invitation, but our team is currently at full capacity. We want to give our complete attention to each project we take on, so we need to decline.
Keep in mind that if you offer any wiggle room in your no, people will take it. You need to be firm, strong, and clear (but compassionate).
Remember as well that we want to provide the why behind our no. That doesn’t mean divulging every detail. But it does mean providing context, so people feel informed rather than dismissed, and so they better understand your organization’s focus and values.If possible, offer alternatives… other resources or organizations that may be a better fit.
Celebrate the Strategic No’s!
Many nonprofit leaders fear that turning down opportunities will lead to a loss of funding, partnerships, or exposure. But staying true to fewer mission-aligned goals allows you to increase the depth and quality of your impact, all of which attracts more of what you want in the long run.
It’s time we began celebrating the NO’s with our teams. Doing so affirms the empowerment that comes with thoughtfully declining things that distract from our mission. It’s not a rejection, it’s a realignment of what truly matters in your organization.
One of the most valuable acts of leadership is to be intentional about your commitments, caring for yourself, your team, and your organization in the process.